Last night I went overboard and now my insides are like a chimney coated with fat and creosote. It’s a muddy tinderbox inside my heart!
I won an iPod shuffle in a raffle at the NYU computer store.
The e-mail I sent out to my department at school follows:
Electronic trinket for sale- 1 unopened 512 MB Apple iPod Shuffle (C), 99
USD retail value
-Learn to accept those things you cannot change and master your stress!
Surrender to chaotic forces unleashed by ruthlessly minimal and highly
significant Apple design by way of absolute uncertainty as to what song
will play next. Song 1 or song 125? Don’t these songs have names? The
Shuffle (C) cares not! You and your nostalgia are insignificant!
-You will have the opportunity to smell the iPod Shuffle (C) at any time
it is in your possession.
-This thing can be worn about the neck if you hang it there. Other
hanging possibilities include:
hanging from a doorknob, hanging from a lamp, hanging from a hat-rack,
hanging from a hook, all made possible by 17th century lanyard (TM) naval
technology and gravity.
-Obstruct the passage of visible spectrum light, hide things that are
smaller than the iPod Shuffle (C) from view!
-Place it anywhere
-Can be lost in seconds
-Learn what “near cd quality” means to Apple and condition yourself not to
-Maintain the appearance of minimum necessary consumption levels, cash in
on heightened social capital
-Provides hours of valuable gadget operation experience
-lack of display lets you learn what it’s like to listen to music in the
I came to own this thing by entering a raffle at the NYU Computer Store.
If you would like to own it, you are welcome to contact me and arrange to
give me 80 of your United States Dollars, transforming them into my United
States Dollars and transforming my iPod Shuffle (C) into your iPod Shuffle
(C). If you would like, I can give it a much fancier name, thereby
increasing its value and rarity. In such an event you may give me 100
United States Dollars to claim ownership of it. This will probably never
happen to you again.
Prof A. raised 2 very good points:
1) is it unethical to profit from raffle winnings?
2) Can I live with the guilt of being the arbiter of a greater likelihood of victimization by thieves an iPod conveys to its possessor?
1) I think I can profit from raffle winnings as long as I do not seek to make more than the item is worth and people know that I came by the item(s) free. This places the buyer in an empowered position to make a decision without coercion and aids in validating the sale contract.
2)iPod is strong magic- People should know this. Caveat Emptor! Other things that one should hesitate to buy are:
monkey’s paw, gift of magi, radium, diamond bridgework, unholy reliquary collections, controlled substances, spear of destiny, Brooklyn Bridge, old sushi
It is only with such a caveat attached that I sell this item.