Tighten the Bunions, Screw Down the Tennis Shoes, Make Fast Loose Tread


So, into Friday. Are our teeth loose yet? We’re burning up on entry to R&R, and I’m so tired I can hardly see straight.

Lambchop’s Damaged came out in August of 2006. You might remember it as “The Summer What Meltede My Face Like Soe Muche Gumme, Oy Vey, What Withe Alle This Uff Da Heate.”

I personally thought the summer before was worse, but then I didn’t have an air conditioner that summer.

I have made this Lambchop recording a part of my daily ablutions. I know what you might be thinking- “What, another band that started with an adjusted country twang and has since shot well into the experimental left field? I have a LOT of Wilco records, thank you.”

Well, alright. However, if you travel that pernicious path, traveler, you will not know the rich sentimental tonality of Kurt Wagner’s nearly spoken, rumbling musings. You will not be treated with intimacy by the wry sense of humor that is the spool of yarn from which the songs are darned. You will not meander, fork in hand, through this garden to the feast of non-sequiturs, surprise revelations, instantaneous understandings of things past, that a story as then currently unfolding brought to the singer’s memory.

It was the final track on the record that came on my headphones during a shuffle play sometime in the recent few months that remembered the album to me- the track “The Decline of Country and Western Civilization”. It’s a surprise cloudburst, erupting from a clear atmosphere of noise into something so dramatic it ought to be on stage evoking tears from the aristocracy. But, then, I’m a sucker for songs that subjugate all the most evil tendencies of humanity in order to tell an object of affection how good-looking they are.

This is a drum. Today you can buy it from Musician’s Friend for $69.99 in American Currency (or the approximation of said currency floating in digital internets your web browser draws pictures of when you log on to your bank account).

When you hit this, everything becomes more awesome. That especially applies to rock band practice, which we had last night, and which included a guy who was nice enough to hit- not one of these, but a whole set of them- not once, but many, many times. I needn’t tell you how much more awesome everything became with each successive strike of drumstick to drum. When you’re a member of a band that has been seeking a drummer for a couple of months following the departure of your original drummer after your first show at the now-defunct Siberia, you get a real hard-on for having a drummer in band practice. Everything just fell together with the drunken synergy of a group of people who are on the same page, squeezing the juice that is music from our respective instruments like so many fucking amazing oranges into very tastefully designed juice glasses- perhaps the kind one might buy at Crate & Barrel.

I have been a fan of the glassware for sale at Crate & Barrel for some time. Very classy.

Man, my ears are ringing.


In addition to the above-mentioned Lambchop record, I have also been hearting Destroyer’s Rubies by Destroyer. Hearting is something my girlfriend says, and it’s pretty cool. It’s when you replace your blood with something else, and your heart pumps that through your circulatory system, instead. Did you know that there is about 60,000 miles worth of tubing that comprises the human circulatory system? Needless to say, Destroyer’s Rubies is really tired. Sorry, Destroyer’s Rubies– you’re going around a few more times, I’m afraid.

It’s Friday, ya’ll. Catch the girls, kiss them and make them cry.